Lists (Entry 1)

Guys love lists. That's just the way it is.

I don't mean, like shopping lists or "Things To Do Today" lists. Those are far too useful, organized, and constructive for us. My wife makes them all the time. She'll hand me the grocery list only for me to forget it whilst I'm out the door to the supermarket. I then have to call her to read me all of the items over the phone when I get there.

It usually only takes two calls though.

Anyway, the kinds of lists guys like fall more into the "Top 5 Driving Songs While Driving Through Iowa" or "Top 3 Sword Fights From Dino De Laurentis Films".

You know. That kind of thing.

So, my previous post about swimming around in the ocean with sharks (see below) got me to thinking about all of the things I DON'T ever want to have happen to me in my life. The shark thing comes in at a tidy #3 ranking.

I therefore present my "Top 10 Things I Never Want To Experience" list:

10. Watching any film with Matthew McConaughey in it*
9. Having a bird poop on my head
8. Paper cut on my tongue while licking an envelope closed
7. Going on a diet that has a name attached to it
6. Listening to Kenny G’s entire catalog
5. Spontaneous combustion
4. A sudden and unexpected inspiration to take up jogging
3. Meeting any animal bigger than me while swimming in the ocean
2. Two words – Adult Incontinence
1. Being invited to a hunting party with Dick Cheney

* subject to change should demand for movies starring Ashton Kutcher begin to increase