Marquis De Sade now designs baby stuff

So these Baby Bjorn sling baby carrier things are all the rage now. You can't flip through a magazine without seeing some star couple sporting one with their baby ensconced in it. They look happy, the baby looks happy.

That's probably because they have tons of cash to pay for the chiropractor bills, which will certainly come later.

For us flunkies who fall prey to such trends (such as myself) I am taking this space to warn you not to buy these back wrenching baby toters. My wife and I spent a lot of time hiking and camping before the boys were born. Now that they're getting a bit bigger we are starting to do day hikes again. It's nice. You know, doing this kind of stuff as a family makes parenting seem pretty cool. We walk along these trails in gorgeous northern California countryside. We have our boys with us. Our dog runs up ahead. For those moments, all seems well with the universe.

Until the frickin' muscle spasms kick in from the unholy Baby Bjorn.

I mean, I should have been dubious about the design from the beginning. All of the baby's weight is carried on the front supported by these two flimsy straps in the back??? Holy cow, some Swedish designer is cackling all the way to the bank to deposit the far too many Euros (Is Sweden using the Euro yet? I can't remember) he made from us trendy suckers. I'm going out and getting one of those baby backpack things ASAP. I will then burn the Baby Bjorn in a ritual ceremony of "Reclamation Of Common Sense".

You see that look on my face in the photo? That's not a smile, it's a grimace.